What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
