When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
