sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
