Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
