I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
