i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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