And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
