I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
