i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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