Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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