Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
