rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
