i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
