Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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