I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
