i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
