im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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