Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
