I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
