is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
