Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
