I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
