I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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