Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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