"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
