You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize