my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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