Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
