Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
