RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Pooping to opera.
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