I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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