Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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