I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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