My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
