He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
