do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
