She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize