I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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