Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
