When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
