I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
