You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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