where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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