I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
