My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize