Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Randomize
