i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
