i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize