all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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