I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
