i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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