erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
