I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize