I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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