Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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