forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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