Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
