I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
