I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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