office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
