also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
