census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
