we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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