That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just cropdusted the office
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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