next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
