Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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