someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
