Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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