You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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