i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I met the friendliest cop last night
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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