Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
