Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
