You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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