I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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