I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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